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When I was a teenager in the 1990s, the government gave the impression that income inequality based on sex could be tackled by advising females that no goal was out of reach. Bold, bright pink advertisements told me that systemic and societal barriers would yield to my self-belief.

Researchers have since refuted the belief that an individual can improve their situation through optimistic thoughts. A writer, in his work Selfie, unpacks how the neoliberal myth of equal opportunities fuels much of the self-improvement movement.

However, there is a part of me remains convinced that by putting in the work and create a sturdy vision board, I should be able to realize my deepest aspirations: the single obstacle to my future is me. How do I find a state of balance, a stability between trusting in my unlimited potential but am not responsible for every failure?

The Answer Is Found in Self-Effacement

The solution, according to Saint Augustine, a theologian from ancient Africa, centers on meekness. Augustine noted that humility acted as the cornerstone of all other virtues, and that in the quest for the divine “the initial step requires modesty; the next, modesty; the third, lowliness”.

As someone who left the church such as myself, the concept of meekness may trigger various unpleasant feelings. I was raised during a period in Catholicism when caring about your looks equated to narcissism; lust was frowned upon outside of procreation; and even pondering solo sex was a punishable offence.

I don’t think that this was Saint Augustine’s intention, but over a long period, I confused “humility” with embarrassment.

Constructive Meekness Is Not Self-Loathing

Practicing humility, as per psychiatrist Ravi Chandra, does not mean self-loathing. An individual practicing constructive modesty takes pride in their capabilities and accomplishments while acknowledging that knowledge is infinite. Chandra defines multiple forms of modesty: cultural humility; meekness across ages; intellectual humility; humility of knowledge; humility of skill; appreciation for others’ wisdom; reverence for the sublime; and compassion in pain.

Studies in psychology has also identified numerous advantages arising from modesty in intellect, such as enhanced endurance, acceptance and connection.

Humility in Practice

During my career in spiritual support roles in aged care, I presently consider modesty as the practice of attending to others. Humility serves as a centering practice: revisiting, step by step, to the ground I stand on and the person sitting in front of me.

There are some residents who recount to me the same five anecdotes drawn from their experiences, time after time, whenever we meet. Rather than counting minutes, I attempt to hear. I try to stay curious. What insights can I gain from this individual and the narratives they cherish when so much else has gone?

Philosophical Stillness

I strive to adopt the spiritual mindset that theological scholar Huston Smith called “productive stillness”. Ancient Chinese sages advise people to calm the identity and exist in harmony with the natural order.

This might be especially relevant as humans seek to repair the damage our species has done to the natural world. As written in her work Fathoms: The World in the Whale, author Rebecca Giggs notes that embracing modesty enables us to rediscover “the inner creature, the being that trembles in the face of the unknown". Adopting a stance of modesty, of not-knowing, allows us to remember our species is a part of an expansive system.

The Elegance of Modesty

There’s a desolation and hopelessness that comes with believing you can do anything: success – whether this means becoming wealthy, losing weight, or gaining political power – transforms into the single permissible result. Modesty permits grace and setbacks. I embrace meekness, connected to the soil, suggesting the essentials are available to flourish.